So guess what? My car wouldn't start this morning. The radio and lights came on like usual, but where I should have heard that beautiful sound of the engine sparking, I just heard this awful chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga sound. Chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga. When we lifted the hood, this is what we were faced with:

Gah! I don't know if you can tell from the photos, but the spark plug cables and the one connecting the windshield wipers to the engine have been GNAWED THROUGH. Gnawed all the way through. Like all those thick wires were nothing more than an assortment of tasty Twizzlers to my little rodent friends. Why did they do this? How can car parts possibly taste good to them? Are they demented zombie rodents or something? The man at the auto parts store told us it's actually pretty common for mice and squirrels to do this kind of crap, especially when the weather gets cold. But why me? I've always been an animal lover. I've watched The Secret of Nimh and Rocky and Bullwinkle and Ratatouille and even that stupid Secret Squirrel thing. Why would they betray me when I've always been their biggest fan?

Well, no more. That's it. I'm declaring all-out war on our neighborhood rodents. Squirrels and mice, you're officially ON NOTICE.