Man, there's a lot of construction downtown. Oh, the right lane is closed ahead; it's a good thing I'm in the left lane. I wonder what that van is going to do. I don't think he's seen the signs yet, even though they're bright orange and the size of Sherman tanks. Oh, you don't say—he's cutting me off, because he just now noticed his lane was ending. That's a surprise. Wait, what's this? He stopped! Halfway into my lane he stopped. Look, Mr. Van, there's no point pulling your vehicle halfway into my lane and then stopping. Just go! For the love of all that is holy, just go. I couldn't get past you anyway. It's not like I can use a shrink ray on my car and just speed around you. Believe me, if I could turn my car into a Hot Wheels car I totally would (because that would be awesome), but I can't, so you should just go. What happened, anyway? Why would you start to cut me off and then stop halfway? Did your rudeness fail you? Did you suddenly have an attack of human decency? Not only am I being cut off, but now you're waiting there, blocking me, and asking for my blessing to go ahead. Well you know what? No blessing for you. You can just go about your day without a blessing. In fact, I'm going to give this blessing to that construction guy instead of you. Look at that, I just blessed the construction guy and you're still sitting there with your head craned around, waiting for me to wave you ahead. Well you can wait all day because I'm not going to. My philosophy is this: if you're going to be rude, you should do it with as much enthusiasm as possible. You should give your rudeness the full force of your personality. I mean, if it's your destiny to be a schmuck, then you should be the best schmuck you can be, right? I can at least respect that. At least you're being true to yourself. But this mealy-mouthed halfway thing is craven and shameful, and I feel nothing but disdain for you. Do you hear that? Nothing but disdain. Now move along and get your Astro out of my way.