So last night Nick and I watched Carnival of Souls, one of my favorite movies of all time. As usual, I was properly spooked (it may be low budget, but it's artfully creepy), and Nick had taken on his usual role of Mystery Science Theater film critic, which is what he does when we watch horror films. This is to keep me from getting too absorbed in the movie (sometimes I have a problem separating fantasty from reality—I know this surprises you). And although this little comedy routine is ostensibly for my benefit, it's clear to me that he just doesn't want me keeping him awake all night going "What's that? Did you hear that? Something's wrong—go check the kitchen. Oh my god, Jason Voorhees was here!" at which point he'll have to explain to me that what I'm looking at is a plastic pasta strainer, not a hockey mask. It's all kind of a fun diversion, but Nick doesn't seem to agree. Sometimes he's gone when I'm watching the movie, and then he has to deal with the repercussions anyway. The night I watched Ringu, I didn't sleep at all. I couldn't even turn the lights off I was so scared. I just sat there in bed with my Gameboy and a desk lamp on, turning toward the door every few seconds to make sure the girl with the Andie MacDowell hair wasn't shambling out of the television.

I'll admit it; movies have a bit too much power over me.

So that's why Nick was doing his joker routine again last night. "Heh heh, check out her hair," etc. As the film progressed, I was staying within the recommended limits of terror. Then came the denouement, when Nick said something fantastic. If you haven't seen it, there's a segment where the heroine is running through an abandoned pavilion in the desert, being chased by ghouls who keep popping out from behind things. Nick said, "what is this, a Beatles movie?" and I seriously almost peed my pants laughing.

All great discoveries are inspired by moments like these, so now I've decided to conduct an experiment that I think may be of great benefit to humanity. I'm going to sync up Carnival of Souls with A Hard Day's Night, and see what happens. You've all heard the business about The Wizard of Oz/Dark Side of the Moon, right? Well, trust me, this will be better. I don't know what brilliant things may arise out of this, what knowledge I may be able to glean about the human psyche and the purpose behind human existence. But the possibilities are infinite, because in the crawl space between laughter and terror, there is a tiny rat with glowing fur named Illumination. Scientia est potentia!

You will be able to find my exhibit on Table 3, between the homemade battery and the volcano model.