The other day, I was in a taxi with an MGM executive who just happened to leave behind a piece of paper. Curious, I took a look at it and was astonished by what I read. For your edification, I have reprinted it verbatim.

Horror Movie Development Worksheet

A. Steal. Just rip off an idea from a rival movie company, and make enough minor changes that you can claim you thought of it first. For example, if their film is about man-eating alligators, make yours about man-eating crocodiles. Then when you are asked about it, you can look like a veritable zoologist. "They're totally different reptiles," you'll say. "While the alligator and crocodile have certain similarities, the crocodile can never fully close its mouth, so the teeth are always visible, a fact which lends itself much better to the horror genre. Compared with crocodiles, alligators look downright jovial."

B. Horror Movie Mad Libs

A group of sexually active teens pulls up at a ___________. They meet a mysterious __________, who warns them not to visit the nearby ____________. But the teens laugh it off and head straight for the ____________ anyway. It's old and creepy and they start to explore, breaking off by couples. One of their group, incidentally the only person without a date, is a practical joker, and the first couple thinks he is responsible when a ____________ bursts in with a _______________ in his hands. But it's no laughing matter they discover, as the intruder proceeds to _____________ them, so that when the next couple come in, they see ________________ hanging from a __________. The second couple arrives and runs into the basement, which is festooned with _________. They try to run out, but are neatly dispatched with a _______________. The third couple is smarter than the others. They devise a plan to trap the _________________, and the plan seems to work. The booby trap captures the _________, and just when you think they're going to get away, here comes a second _____________ (the mysterious ______________ from the first scene) with a _______________ as sharp as a ________________. They are _________________ in one slice.

C. Remake a horror classic. Points for irreverence will be awarded to those remaking Hitchcock. You think they liked Strangers on a Train before? Think how much they'll like it when it's starring Chris Kattan and Melissa Joan Hart.

D. Adapt a popular video game for the screen. Any game is fair game, as long as it involves vampires, zombies, or werewolves, and is anchored by a reasonably incomprehensible plot.

E. Think The Shining, but set in:

1. A spaceship
2. Congress
3. A battle cruiser
4. The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame
5. A dirigible
6. Burger King
7. Dave Mustaine's living room

F. Essay

In 500 words or less, describe the single scariest dream you've had. Now add a creepy child, a deformed killer with a catchy name, and a corporate cover-up. You've got a winner!