Before long, a company called LifeGem will be offering an unusual service to funeral home customers across the country. For a small fee (4,000 Washingtons on the cheap end), they will convert your loved one's remains into a quality diamond. That's right, a diamond. What's that? It can't be done? Well, I assure you it can be done, and LifeGem is going to make oversized bucks doing it. Here's a quick science lesson to explain the process. (I know, I know—the original Ms. Liberal Arts Curriculum is going to explain the complicated science stuff to people who probably know way more about it than she does. But it's my blog. My forum. So deal with it.)

About 15 percent of the body is carbon, which is released as carbon dioxide upon cremation. What LifeGem does is use a special technique to keep the carbon in the ashes. They then extract some carbon powder from the mix, heat it to incredibly high temperatures, and turn it into graphite. From graphite, of course, it's an easy step to Diamond Jim Brady. It's all something that a fourth grader could pull off for her science fair project. Can't you see it, right next to the bubbling volcano and the home-made battery? She'd win the blue ribbon in a heartbeat. (She'd also have a lifelong appointment with the school counselor.)

Is this perhaps a little outlandish? Well, that all depends on your cultural perspective. Americans are pretty weird about death. We hide our cemeteries, and we stubbornly refuse to think about icky things like DNRs and organ donation until we're forced to. But we're also a sentimental species. Aren't there people who save locks of hair from their loved ones, maybe tucked away in a locket? Aren't there people who send their loved ones' ashes into space, or who have their deceased pets preserved by taxidermists and used as ornamental end tables in their homes (like on that episode of Family Guy)? It's not much of a stretch to imagine that those same people would embrace the idea of their loved ones being converted into a piece of jewelry that could be with them at all times. It's certainly a dramatic way of coping with loss. Is it unhealthy? Well, I guess that's a matter for your therapist.

The stones are only available in blue right now. But before long, you'll be able to get a dead person's carbon in every color of the rainbow. God Bless America!