Okay, America, I'm begging you. Please vote for Kerry this Tuesday. We can't afford another four years under Bush. All that has been accomplished with Bush's preemptive war is that the terrorists have been energized to greater hatred and violence than before. We've lost over a thousand soldiers, and we're less safe now than we were four years ago.

Bush sees things in cartoon terms, which is why he had no problem taking unsubstantiated claims of weapons possession and using them to justify invading Iraq, even though no links had been established between the attacks of 9/11 and Saddam Hussein's government (and still haven't). Kerry, on the other hand, sees the world as a complex place. He understands that you'd better have a damn good reason to go into another country with your guns-a-blazing. You'd better have a damn good reason for sending your sons and daughters into harm's way.

No matter your party affiliation, please please please vote for Kerry this Tuesday. People's lives are at stake. If you're a Republican, and you want to vote for a true conservative, Bush is not your guy. Your guy isn't running this time. Just think of your country—of the safety of the troops and your fellow citizens—and check the Kerry box on your ballot. Then you can go right back to voting Republican and no one need be the wiser for it. I won't tell anyone.

(Extra motivation: if Kerry wins, I'll continue to fill your lives with fanciful anecdotes and observations about our crazy planet. If Bush wins, I'll probably be lost in an existential fugue for months, during which I won't be able to write anything but maudlin prose and dirges. Keep this in mind when making your decision.)