Four-way stops.

This morning as I was crossing town, I happened to stop at a four-way stop. A pick-up was on my right, and he had reached the intersection first (by several seconds), so I sat back and waited for him to go. Then I waited some more, but he just sat there. Finally, he made one of those exaggerated "well, go ahead" arm gestures, followed by a rather obscene one. I drove through, made some gestures of my own, and considered following the guy to his destination so I could politely explain to him about the rules of the road. Okay, so first thing. What's the rule when you are at a four-way stop? The person who reaches the intersection first goes through before everyone else. Second, if there is a stalemate, the driver on the right has the right of way. So there are two reasons, right there, why he should have driven through ahead of me. Karen: 2; Idiot: 0.

2. Blinking red and yellow stoplights.

After 10 p.m., certain stoplights in town go to blinking red or yellow. It's always blinking red in one direction and yellow in the other, so that those who reach a red light will stop and proceed with caution. Those who have the yellow light can drive on through. How complicated is this, really? Yet nearly every time I come home from the gym after 10 p.m., I'm at an intersection with a guy who thinks he has to stop at the blinking yellow light. He'll just sit there—oblivious to the fact that I have a red light—and will give me the same "go ahead" gesture as Mr. Pick-up. I'll sigh and drive on through. I point fervently at the yellow light as I do so, but I know it's a lost cause because the guy is on a cell phone and isn't paying attention anyway.

3. Roundabouts.

A bunch of these have been built onto Lawrence side streets within the past year. Not only have they succeeded in slowing traffic along these thoroughfares (as was the intent), they have nearly brought it to a standstill. This is because people are utterly baffled by them. The Mr. Pick-ups of the town pull up to the circle and just freeze up. It's like those guys who go hunting for the first time, and when they're faced with the bear they just stand there, so scared they can't move. Should I enter the circle? Should I wait until this car has passed? Should I just pull out right now and broadside him? I think I'll do that. Screeeeeeccch...CRASH!!!! Gee, my car has been compressed to the size of a tuna can. Wonder what I did wrong? I'm sure those obtuse city engineers in their ivory towers are at fault for putting this roundabout here in the first place.

4. Police cars at an intersection.

Please, people. If there is an accident and a policeman or woman is standing outside the car, motioning you through an intersection, it is not necessary to wait until the light has turned green or you have fully stopped at the stop sign before proceeding. The fact that the policeman is guiding traffic manually supercedes the ordinary rules of the road (which most of you slobs are barely able to observe in the first place). The policeman is there, waving you through the intersection. He wants you to go through. It will make his job much easier if you go through. But instead, you just sit there and wait for the light to change because your name is Mr. Pick-up and you're an idiot.

Don't even get me started on rubbernecking at traffic accidents, or people whose top speed is 10 miles an hour when it's raining.

Incidentally, I took driver's ed with a guy who only had one arm. He used a special knob affixed to the steering wheel, and he still drove WAY better than any of these people.