Act III.

MAL, ADJUS, and TED are still sitting in the yard, but MAL and ADJUS are sitting back to back. TED has not moved from his original spot. The sun is going down, it’s fairly dark, and the mood is tense.

MAL: I mean, what if he was wrong? I saw Father Miller at the store the other day and he was counting out his change, and he had to do it three or four times to get it right, and I thought to myself, "this guy doesn’t seem to be very good at math. . ."

TED: How dare you!

MAL: No, no, all I’m saying is that this is a pretty tricky proposition here. If he claims to have calculated the precise day of the Second Coming, how do we know he didn’t switch the numbers around? How do we know it wasn’t the year 3481? That would make us about fifteen hundred years early.

TED: That’s preposterous!

ADJUS: (looks doubtful) Why would the Lord have picked someone who couldn’t count?

(MAL and TED both turn to look at ADJUS. Neither says anything for a moment. MAL begins to snicker.)

TED: He can count, he’s just . . .

(a beat)

Ah! I know. Maybe it was like with Moses. Moses had a speech impediment, you know, and when God told him he would lead the Israelites out of Egypt, he said . . .

MAL: (interrupting) N-n-no . . . w-w-w-way.

(TED gives a tremendous, martyred sigh and turns away from the other two.)

ADJUS: I’m hungry. I haven’t eaten anything since last night.

MAL: You didn’t have breakfast?

ADJUS: Ted told me you can’t get to Heaven on a full stomach, ‘cause then your soul is too fixed on the things of this world.

MAL: (snorts) Good tip, Ted.

TED: (speaking aloud to himself) You know what this is? This is the biggest test of all—waiting to see who among us will lose faith. I, for one, am not going to disappoint Him. I am His faithful servant. (more quietly) I’ve already sold all my possessions.

MAL: You what?!

(TED doesn’t answer, just looks around doubtfully. The set gets noticeably darker. ADJUS passes out from hunger.)

MAL: Oh, now you’ve done it, Ted. Poor boy’s gone into a coma.

TED: (suddenly shouting maniacally) Look, we are not leaving this spot! We’ve gone too far to back out! I’ve surrendered my earthly possessions—all of them, mind you—and I’m wearing the most uncomfortable article of clothing imaginable so do not tell me this was all in vain!

(a beat)

Adjus will be revived in Heaven, anyway.

(MAL stares at TED for a long moment. Finally, he shrugs and pulls a pocketknife from his robes.)

MAL: Guess we’d better eat him then.

End of Act III.
End of play.