Act II.

MAL, ADJUS, and TED have not moved from their respective spots in the yard. It should be clear from the light that it is no longer morning, but mid-day. A faint rumbling sound can be heard in the distance.

ADJUS: (perking up) Is that the distant thunder? The golden chariots swooping down to earth to whisk us away? A storm cloud lowering from the sky, about to engulf us in the fog of heavenly bliss?

MAL: It’s the man with the ice cart.

ADJUS: (pointing off-stage) Oh, you’re right. Maybe we should get some ice. It’s getting very hot out here.

TED: Look, Adjus. You can go get ice if you want, but don’t complain when you get back and we’ve ascended to heaven without you. You’ll just have to explain to Him that you had to make an ice run before the Second Coming. I’m sure He’ll understand that you were too uncomfortable sitting out in His Creation . . .

MAL: (interrupting) . . . for the last time, I might add.

TED: Yes, for the last time . . . .

MAL: Don’t forget the business with the Antichrist.

TED: Oh yes, Mal’s right about that. If you miss the boat this time, Adjus, you’ll be stuck here on earth with the non-believers and the Antichrist and all that. Very nasty stuff. If you want to get to heaven then, you’ll have to die professing your beliefs.

MAL: Guillotines. The Antichrist will have guillotines.

(Adjus looks increasingly horrified.)

TED: Yes . . . er . . . more than likely. There may be guillotines, and you’ll have to be beheaded in order to get into the Kingdom of Heaven.

MAL: Plus once you get there, everyone will look at you kind of crooked for the rest of Eternity. And then the Man himself will give you that disappointed look. "If you’re going to show up late," he’ll say, "you might as well not show up at all. Now let me lead you to our third-class suites, where we keep the servants. You’ll be expected to prepare three meals a day, polish halos, pin up droopy wings . . . oh, and don’t speak until you’re spoken to. . . ."

TED: (with an uncomfortable laugh) Well, I wouldn’t go that far.

MAL: Just think how much easier it will be if you stick around now and get to Heaven the proper way.

ADJUS: (sulkily) Alright, alright! I’ll wait.

(a beat)

But it’s still hot.

End of Act II.