On June 7, 1843, thousands of disciples of the New York Second Advent Association, led by William Miller, donned white muslin "ascension" robes and prepared to be transported to heaven. "Father" Miller claimed to have calculated the precise date of the second coming, and followers all over the country believed him.

MAL: Man in his 40s. Full, graying beard and a stern expression. Skeptical.
ADJUS: 16-year-old boy. Overzealous.
TED: 20ish, with preternaturally white teeth and superior eyes. Sanctimonious.

Act I

(MAL, ADJUS, and TED, clad in white robes, are sitting in a small yard. Behind them is a row of tightly packed, two-story houses. The occasional bird can be heard chirping in the distance.)

ADJUS: When’s it going to happen? Father Miller told us it was today. What if it’s not today?

TED: It’s today.

ADJUS: But how can you be sure?

TED: Because Father Miller is a prophet, and the Lord gave him the power to calculate the precise time of his coming.

MAL: It’s special math, Adjus. Special math from heaven.

(Ted gives Mal a dirty look.)

TED: The Lord has given Father Miller a very rare gift. And Father Miller has shared his vision with us.

ADJUS: I’m going to climb up on the roof so I can be closer.

TED: (exasperated) It doesn’t matter how high you are. That doesn’t matter to Him.

ADJUS: Well, just in case. I’d better get closer so I can go first.

(Adjus begins scaling the house.)

TED: Make sure your ascension robe doesn’t catch on the gu . . .(cringing) . . . too late.

(Adjus falls to the ground and lies still for a few moments. The others don’t turn around.)

ADJUS: (straining to hear) Was that the last trumpet?

MAL: That was a cow passing gas.

ADJUS: Oh. Still, it sounded a bit like the last trumpet, didn’t you think?

MAL: (irritably) I wouldn’t know. None of us has heard it before, Adjus. And if we had heard it before, and we hear it again in a few minutes, then the first one wouldn’t exactly have been the last, would it? This new one would become the last one.

(Adjus sits up and scoots toward MAL and TED.)

ADJUS: Oh. I’m confused.

TED: Stop trying to destroy the boy’s faith, Mal. I can’t think of anything more unworthy at this late hour than trying to destroy someone’s faith. I'm sorry to say this, but I may have to mention this to Him when we arrive.

MAL: Oh, you're going to tell, are you? Any Creator I'd believe in wouldn't go for tattling. He'd be more likely to fit you with a pair of brimstone galoshes. (grunts) Happy tattlin', partner.

End of Act I.