Hear ye, hear ye! As of this moment, I am implementing a system for ranking all the things that exist in the world. In the context of this site, I'll be applying this taxonomy to books, movies, music, and anything else that I can assign a totally subjective and artificial value to. I will not be using stars. All value shall be denoted with the Stick of Doom measurement.
The Stick of Doom is a pseudo-ceremonial wooden staff (topped with a coyote skull) that I purchased last Christmas from a regional woodworking artist. I saw his adorable, skeletal head peeking out from inside a tall barrel, and I fell in love with him at once.
Alright kids, this is how it's all going to play out. Preceding each review will be between one and four Sticks of Doom—one indicating the least impressive, and four being the pinnacle of all that is holy and good.
For example,
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The Thing That Shall Not Be Named. 
Piquant, but with an unpleasant aftertaste.
A document limiting the powers of the sovereign ruler. No, wait, that's the Magna Carta! Three stars means it's fine and dandy. 
Big-time Wonder Woman cool.
It's that simple.
To give you a glimpse of the Stick of Doom in his full, feral glory, here's a small gallery of glamour shots.
Stick of Doom emerging from the trees.
Stick of Doom goes for a drive.
Stick of Doom gamboling in the brush.
Stick of Doom taking a breather against a tree.
Let the games begin!